The Untold of Adventures of Revan
by popsot
Summary: Many of Revan's adventures remain untold. Why? Because they're embarassing to the jedi order.The Ebon Hawk has to stop on a strange ringworld to make some repairs. The KOTOR gang ran into some troubles while they were there. Halo and KOTOR Xover


Some of Revan's adventures have never been told before. Why you ask? Wouldn't they have served as great stories for the jedi masters to tell their padawans? They chose not to tell them because they had no purpose. They were embarrassing to the jedi order. While humorous, they served no educational purpose. That coupled with the fact that Revan was slowing moving toward the dark side may have been why they were never told. This is one of those tales.

Apparently Revan's ship, the Ebon Hawk, was damaged in its escape from the Leviathan. They had to fly a nearby world so they could repair it. As legend tells it, the closest place was a strange ring world shaped like a Halo.

They landed near a huge structure deeming it good shelter. Mission was the only crew member that had any mechanical knowledge; so while she worked the rest of the crew just sat around and did absolutely nothing.

Well one day Revan spotted a cave, and since the jedi taught him that all scary caves had lightsaber crystals in them Revan decided to go in and look for some. He took HK-47 and Carth along with him. Little did they know what they would find in there (Nope, not crystals):

Revan suddenly stops. He whispers, "Sshhh! There's someone up ahead...I can feel them..."

Carth replies, "There's more than one?"

"No, just one."

"But you said you can feel 'them', meaning more than one. What you should have said was 'I can feel her', or 'I can feel him."

"Well I don't know if it's a man or a woman! What do you want me to say? Hey, Carth, I can feel 'IT'. Is that better?"

"What you should really say is--"

"SHHHHH!" 

They move further into the cave. There is a sound. Heavy, armored footfalls travel down cave. Slowly, a vaguely human figure appears, covered in reflective green and black armor.

A deep voice could be heard from a distance, ""So when I was finished bashing this guy, I stuck a grenade in his mouth and watched him blow up from distance!"

A female voice responded, ""Ya don't say."

HK warns Carth and Revan, "Quiet Statement: Master, there are two life forms coming down this path."

Revan whispers, "See, I told you! There are two voices, and I said 'them.'"

"But you said there was only one of them."

"...Remind me again why I let you live, Carth?"

Suddenly, the armored figure comes of the shadows, dual SMGs drawn. The guy had to be 8 feet tall!

The giant says, "More Covenant? And they've got robots with 'em now, huh? Fine." He primes a plasma grenade.

The female voice responds, "Chief, stop! They're not Covenant. They're human. Well...two of them are, anyway."

HK-47 is the first of the party to respond, "Angry objection: Robot?! I am no simple robot! I am the most advanced assassin droid in the galaxy! Although judging from that armor, I'd say I am facing a conundrum. Is this a new breed of assassin droid?"

"I'm not a 'Droid'. This is just an armor suit," replies the man. 

"Self-Gratifying Statement: Then I am still the most feared assassin in the galaxy! I should wish to celebrate by killing someone, master."

"Later." says Revan.

Carth pleas, "Don't shoot, damnit! We're not these, these...'Covenant' your looking for. Who the hell are you?"

The man responds, "I should ask you the same." He tosses away plasma grenade, which explodes several meters away with a bright blue flash. "Might wanna be careful of the radiation from that thing." He spots Revan cracked pale face. "Though I'd say you've been exposed to quite a bit of radiation. You should really see a Medic about that."

I'm a dark lord dammit.! Power and intergalactic enslavement come at a cosmetic cost, I have to live with it!" replies Revan, trying to defend his appearance, "Just look the other way when your talking to me and hopefully you won't get sick."

"That's nice to hear…" adds the female voice.

"Where's that other voice coming from? That woman's voice?" asks Revan. 

"You mean Cortana? Right here…" The giant proceeds to tap his helmet.

"Charmed." says Cortana.

"Observation: Master, it seems this meatbag has split personalities. Peculiar." 

"See, I told you there were two" says Revan.

"That doesn't count." replies Carth.

"ANYWAY...introductions. You first." says Revan.

"Master Chief, United Naval Space Command, 3rd Earth fleet, specia--"

Cortana, cuts in: "His name is John. And we're not 'droids', as you refer to us. Though I'm intrigued by the robot, excuse me, DROID, in your party."

"Statement: This is not the droid you are looking for."

Cortana continues, "I'm Cortana, the most advanced artificial intelligence program in the known galaxy. This is John." 

Master Chief is suddenly perturbed, "Would you stop doing that? I'd rather not have every alien in the galaxy know my name."

"You prefer them to call you 'The Demon'?" asks Cortana.

"Well, it DOES inspire fear in ol' split-lips and his Grunt buddies. So who the hell are you guys?"

"Irritated objection: Most advanced?! I should blast you where you stand!" 

"The name's Darth Revan. The ill-tempered Droid here is HK-47, and the ugly one with us is Carth Onasi."

Carth is saddened, "...Ugly?"

"Darth Revan? That's a little...cryptic, isn't it?" asks Master Chief. 

"And 'Master Chief' isn't?"

"...Point taken." says Master Chief. "So what brings you three out here?"

"We're tasked with using super-human abilities to put an end to an evil empire. You?"

"...We're tasked with using super-human abilities to put an end to an evil empire...Cortana, isn't this where you pop in and make some smarmy observation?"

Cortana replies, "Usually, yes, but I'm fresh out of material." 

Everyone walks out of the cave and continue talking out in the open.

"So, what can you do that's so special?" asks Revan.

Master Chief quickly responds, "This." Master Chief jumps up 40 feet in the air, lands, rips a tree out of the ground, and hurls it over the horizon

"...Okay, good enough."

"What about you?" asks the Master Chief.

"This." says Revan. He waves his hand at Carth, "You want to act like a chicken." Carth replies with,"I WANT TO ACT LIKE A CHICKEN!" Carth starts scratching at dirt with his feet, clucking and flapping his arms. Revan zaps Carth with giant bolt of purple lightning, sending him flying into a tree.

Master Chief is impressed, "...Touche, sir." A Warthog falls out of sky, landing three feet away from Master Chief.

"Where'd that come from?" asks Revan.

"Plot hole. Wanna go for a ride?"

"Uhh...no thanks. We should really be going. I have to see if my ship is repaired yet"

"Anxious Query: Master, may I commandeer the turret on that vehicle?" 

Revan responds,"…Alright. But don't take too long! We still got to cause destruction on a massive scale and kill that backstabber Revan."

"It's comfortable to know your grand scheme." says Carth.

"...I thought it was already pretty obvious."

HK-47 climbs up and mans the chaingun turret. "Statement: This vehicle's turret appears to be in working order." MC gets in the driver's seat and starts driving around, jumping the grassy hills. HK fires the chaingun at the birds, squirrels, and other innocent wildlife that roam this world. "Demanding Statement: TAKE THAT, FURY MEATBAGS!"

"Well, at least he's enjoying himself." says Revan.

"Jovial Statement: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Did he just say 'wheee'?" asks Carth.

-"Yeah, he did. Let's get him out of here before he decides to stay with that armored guy." says Revan. He force pulls HK out of vehicle. 

Master Chief steers his Warthog over a cliff, driving right in front of the setting sun. The three heros stare hypnotized.

Carth's eyes glaze over, "So beautiful."

Everyone stares awkwardly at Carth.

"Err…I was talking about the guns he was carrying…," spits out Carth.

"Right, the guns," replies Revan. "Well let's get back and check how the repair work is going on the ship."

-"Maybe we'll see that armored guy again," adds Carth.

"Infaturated Statement: The thought of that makes my control cluster over heat with joy!"

The three of them begin making the long hike back to the Ebon Hawk.


End file.
